Last Resort
by Cireoe Anumen
Summary: Warnings: Songfic/Suicide fic. Song contains swear words, and the fic explores the darker side of the human psyche, but that's about it. It is sort of 1+3, but it is only a hint at the end, and doesn't really have a chance to develop into anything.Heero i


Papa Roach- Last Resort

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or its characters. Also, I do not own the song 'Last Resort'

Last Resort

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(Cut my life into pieces

This is my last resort

Suffocation, no breathing

Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

This is my last resort)

I look at my arm. There is a big gash where I was thrown against the side of the Heavyarms. Blood is spilling out fast, seeping into the fabric of my turtle neck. I draw my attention back to the fight in front of me. I can worry about my arm later.

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(Cut my life into pieces

I've reached my last resort

Suffocation, no breathing

Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

Do you even care if I die bleeding?)

"Trowa, what were you doing out there? Did you want to get us all killed?" Duo's normally happy face is contorted with anger, directed at me. I can't face his anger just now, I am too heady from loss of blood.

" I was caught off guard." A lame excuse, but Duo seems okay with it. His smile instantly returns, as he goes off to annoy Wufei. Quatre is on a mission of his own right now, which means that nobody will give me the time of day. I go upstairs to treat my wound, wondering if I should just leave it, and let myself end the pain. 

__

(Would it be wrong, would it be right

If I took my life tonight

Chances are that I might

Mutilation out of sight

And I'm contemplating suicide.)

"Would anyone notice if I just disappeared?" Probably not. It isn't as if the others care about whether I live or die. _* "Did you want to get us all killed?"* _Not yourself. All of us. The others' lives' would not have been jeopardised if I had been killed. So what was the problem? Probably just post-battle tension. There was no way he was worried about me.

__

(Cause I'm losing my sight

Losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

Losing my sight

Losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine)

What is wrong with me? No one seems to give a damn. Am I too cold that no one can stand to be around me? No. Heero is just as cold, and he and Duo are best friends. 

__

(I never realised I was spread too thin

Till it was to late and I was empty within.

Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin

Downward spiral, where do I begin.)

I feel empty. All the bloodshed I have witnessed has left a dark chasm in my soul. Do the others sense this? Why did fate deal me this twisted hand of cards?

__

(It all started when I lost my mother

No love for myself and no love for another

Searching to find a love upon a higher level

Finding nothing but questions and devils)

Am I cursed never to get close to anyone, to hide my true self behind a mask? Everyone I ever loved left or betrayed me. My parents, the mercenaries, Midii Une, the REAL Trowa Barton. Can I not get close enough to someone without something going awry?

__

(Cause I'm losing my sight

Losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

Losing my sight

Losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine)

Will anyone mourn for me when I die? Will the other's say how sad they are that I am gone? I doubt it. I am just Nanashi, I am no one.

__

(Nothing's alright

Nothing is fine

I'm running and I'm crying

I'm crying 

I'm crying

I'm crying

I'm crying

I can't go on living this way)

I cannot stand this much longer. I am torn between fighting for a future in which I am more of an outcast than already, and the selfish bliss of eternal darkness. Or would I be dealt a new hand? One way, I live a life of violence, the other, I am considered a coward for escaping. The latter seems more appealing, since I wouldn't be there to feel the shame…

__

(Cut my life into pieces

This is my last resort

Suffocation, no breathing

Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

Would it be wrong, would it be right

If I took my life tonight

Chances are that I might

Mutilation out of sight

And I'm contemplating suicide)

My arm has been left, forgotten, bleeding. It has begun to throb, and I am straining to think properly. If I don't do something soon, I'll become just another soul lost in a war that has no end. Would it be wrong? I am sure they'll find someone else to pilot Heavyarms, someone they got along with. A somebody, as opposed to a nobody like me. Yes, they would be better off if I was gone.

__

(Cause I'm losing my sight

Losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

Losing my sight

Losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine)

As Wufei would say, is there no justice? I came into this life as a reject, and that is how I am to leave it. All I have done to atone for my life has been futile. I desperately need someone to tell me otherwise, even if it is a lie. I guess no one knows this, because my inner turmoil has never graced my feature's with it's presence, not even my eyes. Even now, looking in the mirror, the face I see is not mine, but that of a calm, confident young man. The person looking back is stubborn, determined, will let nothing get in the way. 

__

(Nothing's alright

Nothing is fine

I'm running and I'm crying

I'm crying )

I hate this stranger, he has deprived me of the love I need. I swing my fist, the image becoming real for an instant. The glass shatters, slicing my flesh with thousands of tiny shards, and causing more blood to trickle out of me. Finally, the long withheld tears begin to flow, as I sink to my knees and curl up into the foetal position. This is it. I have made my choice, and it is to run away.

__

(I can't go on living this way

I can't go on living this way)

"Onegai" I say, my tongue feeling thick, "If there is anyone out there that relied upon me, or took pity, forgive me, but I cannot continue." 

"Trowa?" Just as the darkness begins to take over, I hear a familiar voice, but the tone is foreign to my ears. Could it be…concern? " Trowa, I heard glass breaking. Are you alright?"

__

(Nothing's alright)

Heero.

"Trowa! Why?" He..he...cares. 

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End file.
